Healing from Loss
by Chuck Fallon, LPC
Have you ever heard anyone say, "Time heals all wounds"? It makes me think about the time I tried to ride up an infamous neighborhood ramp on a bike with loose handle bars. You guessed it, the fall resulted in a broken collarbone. I also remember when I wrestled with a friend and rolled over a broken pop bottle. I felt the intense pain in my leg and saw the bright flow of blood. When I limped home to my Mom, she found a 2-inch piece of glass lodged in my thigh. Ahh, good times...
These wounds occurred years ago, and you would have a very difficult time finding any visible sign that they occurred. We might be tempted to say this confirms that "time heals all wounds," but we would be missing a very important part of the story.
These childhood wounds received attention that allowed healing to take place. I will never forget when the doctor set my collarbone, which had misaligned pretty dramatically. He stood behind me and pulled on my shoulder until he could see that the bone was back in line. It was excruciating. However, the treatment allowed me to once again play football, baseball, and ride my bike – on level ground, that is.
Time is necessary for healing, but it is not always sufficient.
When a wound is severe, some form of treatment is normally required. Imagine if my injuries had not been treated. At the very least my quality of life would have been impaired; at worst, my life could have been prematurely cut short.
When the wound is emotional, however, the need for treatment can be very difficult to recognize. Outwardly we may look fine, but inwardly we begin to notice we are not fine.
Seeking help when we lose a loved one can be very challenging. We might believe that accepting help betrays the love we have for our loved one. "How can I think about investing in this new reality without her?" It could be that seeking help might seem more difficult than the wound itself. It might seem more painful to actively embrace the grieving process than to live with the pain of our loss.
I have found that pain is patient and persistent. It will wait a very long time to be recognized. I see this sometimes during counseling. Tears and heartbreak come at the mention of a lost friend, sibling, parent, or child – even when the loss was 10, 20, even 30 years ago.
While time is necessary in the healing process, it is not always sufficient.
In 1 Thessalonians 4:13 we are instructed "not to grieve like those who have no hope." Grief is a God-ordained season that allows us to heal so we can fully invest ourselves in the rest of our journey. To live with this hope means that we also invest in the new reality of our loved one, not left behind, but gone ahead.